As adults and authority figures, we sometimes find ourselves involved in power struggles with our children and students. We find ourselves face-to-face with a child who is refusing to obey, making us feel powerless and everyone feel frustrated as we all try to get a sense of being in control.
What can I do to calm a power struggle situation?
There are several things you can try!
Decide not to fight back or give in. You must always remain calm. Your child may be looking for a fight, but if you're calm and collected, he won't have anyone to fight against. For example, if your child is arguing or throwing a tantrum, their behaviors will become ineffective if you're not there to witness it. Tell them, "I won't talk to you about this when you're behaving like this." Walk out of the room and allow your child to cool off before trying to talk again.
Offer them a choice. When you give your child options, you're allowing them a sense of personal power. Ask them if they'd rather wash the dishes or do the laundry. If you find that your relationship with your child is more conflict than not, make sure to praise them for their efforts to cooperate.
Give your final answer. It takes two to argue. Be clear with your child about when it's okay to have a conversation and when you've given your final answer. By saying "this is not open for discussion," it lets your child know that the issue cannot be argued. Say it once: State your case then be quiet. Do not respond to your child's argumentative comments, and walk away if necessary. Allow your child the chance to complain: As long as they remain respectful, it's not a big deal to let them have the last word. He might say, "but it's not fair!" or "why do I have to do it?" These sorts of comments do not require a response so there's no need to give on.
What can I do when my child speaks disrespectfully?
Keep in mind that a child will continue the tactics that work for him. If you allow your child to get away with being rude, sarcastic, yelling, or name-calling during a debate, he will continue this behavior which could also get worse.